It's time to have... the talk. Most parents have to explain how sex works to their children. How would you troll your child with a TERRIBLE explanation of how to have sex?

"Well, son, sex is when you take that thing you pee out of and out it in some person. Just pick a place... it's all good. Or reverse all of this if you're more of a catcher than a pitcher. Smack it around in there and eventually, you'll shoot some goo! If you're with a girl, and you goof in her ham-wallet, nine months later... BOOM! Baby."

5 minutes of awkward pounding before a disappointing finish followed by unending pain.

Son, I think it's about time I explain the uhh, "birds and the bees"... You see, birds fly, and bees fly. As you can see my son, flight is how babies are made.

You uh...you wanna get something off your chest, bud? o_o

Well son, if you put your Robertson in and out of a girl’s Virginia, you’ll shoot some white baby juice! Don’t taste it cuz that’s gay! Oh, just wait til you try the bumbum, it feels ePiC!

Nah, I'm fine. :P Just don't have kids out of wedlock.

*shows child r34 site*

It's like this but less fun

when a man dude and a woman lady love each other very much the woman sucks the mans stick diagonally while the man woman fingers her dookey hole then smacks his balls and then the lady pulls out her dick and shoves it in his ear and butt fucks his ear and then they do the smoogity his smiggity he gagoogus her smoodus and then spoigus and then donkey punch each other.

And thats how you were born! :D

"Well, son, you won't ever have sex, 'cause you ugly! Don't have to explain it to someone who'll never get it!"

Not mean if it's true!

Well you see son
Girl used Attract
Guy used Harden
Guy used Pound
Girl flinched and couldn’t move
Guy used Double Slap
Hit 4 times!
Girl use Screech
Guy used Seed Bomb
Girl fainted

Then he'll never walk again.

No, because I'll break his goddamn legs.

"Well son its like this. When a boy and girl like each other the boy develops a 'train' in pants, which size varies with people. They feel the need to enter a cave, but it has to be moist. When inside the people who is riding that train will begin to get antsy and would jump out and head to there stop at the end of the cave. Months after that train ride a baby comes out.

I'm loving these so far! The new generation has no chance with advice like this, haha.

Except for that kid that got sent to Rule34, we'll help him out, lol.