HighLibidoGuy
06/11/24 01:47PM
I just want to be happy
I (22M) don't want to be like this anymore. I can't stop consuming porn, I've been doing it for 7 - 8 years non-stop, I've developed the most fucked up kinks, which I'm really not proud of. I know it's fucked up my brain, I literally just cry randomly these days because of my loneliness. I know I won't ever be able to develop have a proper healthy relationship, because of my porn addict brain. I really want love, but I'm an incel loser with no social skills.

I've never had a gf in my life - never even tried to get one, never spoke to women in school, dad wasn't around to teach me that shit or encourage it. Too nervous to even talk to women online lol, I'm so fucked. I don't even have any irl friends, just very few online friends that I play games with sometimes.

Luckily I'm self aware enough to actually start working on myself, exercising more often, proper hygiene routine, actively searching for work.. It genuinely feels like this one aspect of my life is just destroying it. I really want to stop being a degenerate loser.

I want to know if anyone's in a similar situation, or if they've managed to pull themselves out of the incel hole. I'd like to hear some advice, if any.
ShiverFanboy
06/11/24 01:57PM
Look man, I don't want to be the asshole here, but complaining online on a porn website isn't going to do anything about it.

I get it, when you are frustrated, upset, or sad you sometimes want to vent out your emotions, but when doing so you have to realize that after doing that expecting actual results to better the situation is very slim to none.

From the sounds of things you seem to be heading in the direction you want, so that's good.
horse_oil_format
06/11/24 02:05PM
Just keep on with your exercise and hygiene routine. That's a good start. I don't think it's the porn that's destroying it. As long as you can keep that line maintained between real life and fiction it can still go. Be a degenerate but a degenerate that wants to better himself. Improvement is the main thing. I'm similar, with no friends and a hard time. But you have to be able to live with yourself, to walk tall and be confident in your own body to be confident around other people. From what I've seen many women will go for a degen. It's not such a big thing as you're making it out to be
HighLibidoGuy
06/11/24 02:07PM
ShiverFanboy said:
Look man, I don't want to be the asshole here, but complaining online on a porn website isn't going to do anything about it.

I get it, when you are frustrated, upset, or sad you sometimes want to vent out your emotions, but when doing so you have to realize that after doing that expecting actual results to better the situation is very slim to none.

From the sounds of things you seem to be heading in the direction you want, so that's good.


Yeah I know a porn site probably isn't the most ideal place to put this lol but I don't use reddit/4chan or anything like that. I imagine there are some people that may relate to my situation on here also and could possibly provide insight/advice, then again maybe I'm expecting too much, who knows
HighLibidoGuy
06/11/24 02:17PM
horse_oil_format said:
Just keep on with your exercise and hygiene routine. That's a good start. I don't think it's the porn that's destroying it. As long as you can keep that line maintained between real life and fiction it can still go. Be a degenerate but a degenerate that wants to better himself. Improvement is the main thing. I'm similar, with no friends and a hard time. But you have to be able to live with yourself, to walk tall and be confident in your own body to be confident around other people. From what I've seen many women will go for a degen. It's not such a big thing as you're making it out to be


I'm not entirely confident in my body, I'm a little bit chubby, not fat or anything either. I'm not the tallest but luckily I'm not really self conscious about my height (5'6-7 or something). Also my dick is above average so I have that going for me, I guess.

I don't know if a woman who sees me as a degen only is something I want, like I say I want genuine love, I don't want a woman just to enable my degenerate side. I don't like being a porn addict, because I'm de-sensitised, and I don't want to be. I want to be normal, I want to get hard from just kissing a woman, and I want to enjoy pure vanilla natural sex, along with oral and such. I don't want to engage in fucked up kinks irl at all, I want to stay far away from them, I don't think they are healthy at all.
horse_oil_format
06/11/24 02:21PM
badWriter said:
horse_oil_format said:
Just keep on with your exercise and hygiene routine. That's a good start. I don't think it's the porn that's destroying it. As long as you can keep that line maintained between real life and fiction it can still go. Be a degenerate but a degenerate that wants to better himself. Improvement is the main thing. I'm similar, with no friends and a hard time. But you have to be able to live with yourself, to walk tall and be confident in your own body to be confident around other people. From what I've seen many women will go for a degen. It's not such a big thing as you're making it out to be


I'm not entirely confident in my body, I'm a little bit chubby, not fat or anything either. I'm not the tallest but luckily I'm not really self conscious about my height (5'6-7 or something). Also my dick is above average so I have that going for me, I guess.

I don't know if a woman who sees me as a degen only is something I want, like I say I want genuine love, I don't want a woman just to enable my degenerate side. I don't like being a porn addict, because I'm de-sensitised, and I don't want to be. I want to be normal, I want to get hard from just kissing a woman, and I want to enjoy pure vanilla natural sex, along with oral and such. I don't want to engage in fucked up kinks irl at all, I want to stay far away from them, I don't think they are healthy at all.

Well getting some muscle is always a guaranteed attractive trait. Also a big thing is to just talk things out, be transparent. When you and a girl get down and dirty be transparent at that point about what you like. Some might leave, sure. But there are people out there that like to get freaky
petgirl101
06/11/24 02:25PM
I think people are too willing to think of consuming porn as an addiction. Personal health is, of course, what you make of it, but kinks and fetishes and all have existed for way longer than porn in any form have, and provided they're not harmful or illegal then... what makes them "unhealthy"? You describe yourself as an incel loser, but incel is as incel does, and the fact that you're actively attempting to better yourself with like hygiene and exercise is awesome! Love and degeneracy can absolutely go hand in hand, on top of that, my own partner is one of the kinkiest people I know and I'm planning to marry them within the year. Have you considered going to therapy, or weaning yourself off of porn altogether? It pays to remember that a sneaky wank once in a while isn't cheating, that's just part of being human.

I'm rooting for you buddy :3
HighLibidoGuy
06/11/24 02:27PM
horse_oil_format said:
badWriter said:
horse_oil_format said:
Just keep on with your exercise and hygiene routine. That's a good start. I don't think it's the porn that's destroying it. As long as you can keep that line maintained between real life and fiction it can still go. Be a degenerate but a degenerate that wants to better himself. Improvement is the main thing. I'm similar, with no friends and a hard time. But you have to be able to live with yourself, to walk tall and be confident in your own body to be confident around other people. From what I've seen many women will go for a degen. It's not such a big thing as you're making it out to be


I'm not entirely confident in my body, I'm a little bit chubby, not fat or anything either. I'm not the tallest but luckily I'm not really self conscious about my height (5'6-7 or something). Also my dick is above average so I have that going for me, I guess.

I don't know if a woman who sees me as a degen only is something I want, like I say I want genuine love, I don't want a woman just to enable my degenerate side. I don't like being a porn addict, because I'm de-sensitised, and I don't want to be. I want to be normal, I want to get hard from just kissing a woman, and I want to enjoy pure vanilla natural sex, along with oral and such. I don't want to engage in fucked up kinks irl at all, I want to stay far away from them, I don't think they are healthy at all.

Well getting some muscle is always a guaranteed attractive trait. Also a big thing is to just talk things out, be transparent. When you and a girl get down and dirty be transparent at that point about what you like. Some might leave, sure. But there are people out there that like to get freaky


It's just finding the motivation, is the hardest part for me, to do literally anything. It's so tempting to just give up, I don't even know why I am trying to better myself, it doesn't feel like motivation, more that I'm just fucking bored of doing nothing all day.
RobotLaura
06/11/24 02:30PM
Surround yourself with ordinary decent people. Put this site and your previous habits behind you. You'll feel flat for sometime but eventually it will pass. The people don't have to be your age or demographic or anything really. They just have to be regular folks doing regular things. Find whatever group you can that will help just give you people around you with normal lives and relationships. Don't worry about having to be super popular and don't worry about meeting girls or having to interact with them in any flirty way. That can be something for when you're feeling better about yourself. Take it slow but do get out there. Most things change bit by bit. And avoid triggers that will cause you to start looking at porn again - identify them and remove them from your life. Good luck.
HighLibidoGuy
06/11/24 02:44PM
petgirl101 said:
I think people are too willing to think of consuming porn as an addiction. Personal health is, of course, what you make of it, but kinks and fetishes and all have existed for way longer than porn in any form have, and provided they're not harmful or illegal then... what makes them "unhealthy"? You describe yourself as an incel loser, but incel is as incel does, and the fact that you're actively attempting to better yourself with like hygiene and exercise is awesome! Love and degeneracy can absolutely go hand in hand, on top of that, my own partner is one of the kinkiest people I know and I'm planning to marry them within the year. Have you considered going to therapy, or weaning yourself off of porn altogether? It pays to remember that a sneaky wank once in a while isn't cheating, that's just part of being human.

I'm rooting for you buddy :3


Well I won't say but some of my "kinks" are disgusting and completely unhealthy and I hate myself for being into them, and I need to stop having them asap.

I definitely need therapy, the therapy I need is to work hard so I don't even have time to jerk off. I understand that perfectly but it's so hard to get a job in my area and also I'm completely unskilled and a last thought for any employer, I imagine.

Outside of that, thanks, I hope I can find happiness in this world
Goldenshrike
06/11/24 02:53PM
Damn theres so many ppl making posts like this, if only i had a coin for…
Goldenshrike
06/11/24 02:58PM
Imo it sounds like you’re running away from kinks and porn because you’re deeply ashamed of it. Why would you be? What happens when you indulge in it?

Why for an instance, would it not possible to have your kinks and enjoy them in a healthy way?

Are there people telling you they’re bad or is this what you think yourself?

For some things running away will make it worse. You might just end up bottling it down and find it making it’s way back out in very bad ways.


But yeah as you’ve said, it’s better finding a GOOD therapist, who specialises in sexology who wont judge you or shame you for your sexuality and who have knowledge to help you find a way to keep a balance and lesrn about where those feelings stem from etc. Don’t seek out advice from reddit or porn communities, i get you feel desperate but this desperation will be taken advantage of by idiots who know nothing about questions that should be left for therapists and yourself to explore and figure out in a safe setting.

I’m a social work student so i’m not pulling this out of my ass.

If you have questions about what good therapy should look like and what your therapist is supposed to be like and can help you with, you can dm me and I’ll gladly give you what i know.

I cant go into details about a psychologists methods in depth but our ethics is basically the same and we share some forms of therapy
lovesickpvp
06/11/24 03:11PM
cool bro or sorry that happened idk didn't read
BabylonS
06/11/24 03:37PM
Shower, find a new hobby, get a job, go meet new people, don’t worry about not having a gf because it’s entirely possible you won’t find fulfilment that way.
girlygutz
06/11/24 03:41PM
honestly you seem to be heading in the good direction, try to find a therapist too as it'll genuinely help, especially w ur porn addiction. if you want to talk to women you rlly just... have to see them as people. not untouchable inhuman creatures. they're (mostly) just like you! though before getting a girlfriend and all that you rlly have to work on yourself. im wishing you lots of luck w ur upcoming growth man <3
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