Thread timing couldn't be any better.
TotallyOnTV siad:
[Scene opens with a dark, mysterious cave adorned with statues of fierce warriors frozen in time. The camera pans to the center, where a near-sighted male gorgon named Mortimer, wearing glasses and a sly grin, stands.]
Mortimer: [Sinister yet cheeky tone] Welcome, mortal viewers, to "Gorgon's Guide to Statuary"! I am Mortimer. Now, arranging and maintaining statues may seem mundane to you, but not for me! You see, all these marvelous statues you witness before your eyes were once valiant warriors who attempted to turn me into stone! Ah, the good old days.
[He points to a statue with a fierce expression, frozen in mid-swing with a sword.]
Mortimer: Let's start with the basics, shall we? Positioning is crucial! You want your statues to make a statement, to strike fear into the hearts of any who dare trespass. This one, for example, is a warrior who thought he could outsmart me. Oh, how wrong he was!
[As Mortimer chuckles, the camera pans to the warrior's statue.]
Mortimer: Notice how I've placed him in a dynamic pose, mid-attack, forever frozen in the moment of defeat. Always remember, angle matters! A slight tilt of the head can add that extra touch of intimidation.
[He adjusts the statue's head slightly, grinning wickedly.]
Mortimer: Now, maintenance is another matter. It's not like these stone warriors take care of themselves, you know! Dusting and cleaning are essential. A dusty statue doesn't quite have the same petrifying effect, wouldn't you agree?
[He snaps his fingers, and a mischievous imp-like creature appears with a feather duster.]
Mortimer: Meet Squibbles, my loyal helper! Now, Squibbles, be gentle with our guests. We don't want them to crumble away just yet!
[Squibbles nods and starts dusting the statue diligently.]
Mortimer: [Continuing] Ah, lovely! See how the stone gleams? Just like the day he tried to vanquish me! Good times, good times.
[As the imp finishes, Mortimer moves on to another statue, patting it affectionately.]
Mortimer: This one's a special case. He had the audacity to challenge me with a fancy enchanted spear. Needless to say, it didn't go well for him.
[The camera zooms in on the statue's weapon.]
Mortimer: Enchanted weapons require extra attention. Keep them polished, and remember to oil the joints. We wouldn't want our dear warrior's arm to fall off, now would we?
[Mortimer gestures to Squibbles, who rushes over with a tiny oil can and begins working on the statue's arm.]
Mortimer: Perfect! Now, these statues have stories to tell, and it's my duty to maintain their appearance, lest their memory fades away.
[As Mortimer gazes over his collection, his sinister tone softens slightly.]
Mortimer: They may have been foes in the past, but they are my companions now. Frozen in stone, yet forever entwined with my own history.
[Squibbles finishes, and Mortimer looks pleased with the imp's work.]
Mortimer: Well done, Squibbles! You're a natural!
[Squibbles bows with pride.]
Mortimer: Alas, our time together must come to an end. But fear not, for there will be more episodes of "Gorgon's Guide to Statuary" to come! Until then, remember, arrange your statues with care, maintain them like old friends, and never forget to add a touch of the sinister! Farewell, my mortal friends!
[As Mortimer waves goodbye, the camera zooms out, showcasing the eerie yet captivating cave of statues, frozen in time and telling the tale of a mischievous gorgon with a flair for the dramatic.]