I just wanna smell some ass. Bonus points if you give a valid reason I should stick my nose between your cheeks!~

Dogs at the dog park be like ^

True but I need my face sat on, okay?!~

Rp baiting lmao

That's a thing here?? I've only just gotten an account today, wanted to interact <3

The RP request thread got banned in January of 2022. Comments and forum posts asking for RPs can be deleted.

^^Ahh yeah, I'd use Twitter for that! Or commenting on threads. That's how you get Rp partneres n such! :p

Cause mine literally smells like ass

[Fade from black to a seemingly peaceful rocky hillside. Explosion from behind the hillside, RED Scout and wheelchair-bound RED Demoman rush over the hill. Tense music begins].

Scout: "Move cyclops, move!"

[Cut to Scout and [Demoman fleeing from a barrage of rockets.]

Scout: "Come on, come on, almost - augh!"

[Scout gets thrown sideways by a rocket; Demoman keeps going. Cut to Scout lying on the ground, he attempts to get to his knees but collapses.]

Scout: "Eerrrrgh! Argh."

[A trio of rockets arc down towards Scout, accompanied by a whistling noise]

[Scout turns toward the rockets]

Scout: "Whoah! What the f-"

[Cut to a long shot of the explosion, Scout is flung yelling and flailing towards the viewer]

Scout: "-uuuuu-"

[Scout smashes face-first into a pane of glass in the foreground, breaking it and startling a dove.]

Scout: "Medic..."

["Meet the Medic" card appears. Cut to inside the building. As the Scout slides off the window, the camera tilts down and turns right]

Heavy: "Oh-hoh-ho no more!" [Heavy laughs loudly while the Medic explains simultaneously:]

Medic: "Wait, wait, wait, it gets better."

[A Little Heart to Heart is barely audible in the background. Camera continues to turn and tilt, revealing the Medic, casually chatting with an opened-up and conscious RED Heavy, whilst holding Heavy's heart in his hand. A prototype Medi Gun (the eventual Quick-Fix) mounted to an overhead rig is firing its beam into the Heavy]

Medic: "When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!" [Laughs madly]

[Heavy pauses momentarily, and laughs again, banging his palm on a tray of surgical tools next to him]

Medic: "Anyway, that's how I lost my medical license, heh." [Heavy suddenly looks very concerned]

[A dove pops up from inside Heavy's gut, surprising both the doctor and his patient]

Medic: "Archimedes! No!" [Shoos the dove away] "It's filthy in there! Eugh."

[Heavy looks at Medic in mild surprise. Medic does not notice]

Medic: "Birds." [Medic chuckles]

[Cut to a mechanical heart device on a tray. The word "Über" can be seen on a small charge meter]

[Medic grabs the device]

Medic: "Now, most hearts couldn't withstand this voltage," [Medic plugs the device into Heavy's heart and brings it into the Quick Fix's beam] "...but I'm fairly certain your heart..."

[Heavy's heart explodes. Cut to a trio of doves. Archimedes gets knocked off his perch by a piece of the Heavy's heart. Cut back to Medic, with Heavy in the background]

Heavy: "What was noise?"

[Medic quickly recovers from his surprise, casually removing the remains of Heavy's heart from the Über device]

Medic: "The sound of progress, my friend."

[Cut to Medic opening a refrigerator containing several hearts, a Sandvich, and a few beers. One exceptionally large heart is labeled "Mega Baboon"]

Medic: "Ah, perfect..." [Medic grabs the baboon heart, revealing the decapitated head of a BLU Spy in the back of the fridge, somehow sustained by a battery]

Spy Head: "Kill me."

Medic: "Later." [Closes fridge door]

[Cut to Medic standing by the Heavy, baboon heart and Über device in each hand]

Medic: "Where was I? Ah, there we go." [Jams device into heart]

[Cuts to Medic holding the cyborg heart in front of the medi beam]

Medic: "Come on, come on..." [Heart starts beating, Medic starts laughing madly as the heart starts flashing unevenly.]

[Heart glows red; Heavy laughs nervously. Cuts to the Über meter on the device going to full]

[Cuts to Medic, who has stopped laughing and is squinting and leaning his head away, as if expecting the heart to explode. Cuts back to perched doves for a brief moment. Archimedes has returned to his position on the perch, covered in blood, as the two doves on either side of him shuffle away from where he was standing when he was hit before]

[Heart stabilizes and stops glowing and gets overlaid by an ÜberCharge texture.]

Medic: "Oh, that looks good."

[Medic drops the heart into Heavy's open chest]

Medic: "Very nice there."

[Heavy looks at the heart] Heavy: "Should I be awake for this?"

Medic "Ah heh. Well, no, heh." [Medic adjusts his glasses] "But as long as you are, could you hold your rib cage open a bit?"

[Heavy moves his hand as if to adjust his rib cage as Medic is pushing the heart inside] "I can't... seem..."

[Cuts to Heavy's face as he yells out in pain as a crack is heard]

[Cuts to Heavy showing Medic a snapped off rib. Both look at it tentatively]

Medic: "Oh, don't be such a baby..." [Medic takes the rib from Heavy and pinches his cheek] "...ribs grow back!"

[Medic tosses the rib aside and turns to a dove sitting on top of the Quick-Fix]

Medic (whispering to the bird): "No they don't."

[Cuts to Archimedes, who ♥♥♥♥♥ his head and flies away]

[Medic swings the Quick-Fix over to the open Heavy and raises the power]

[The Quick-Fix completely heals the Heavy, as if by magic, even repairing and sewing his clothes]

Heavy (impressed): [Inhales deeply] "What happens now?"

[Medic helps Heavy up] Medic: "Now?" [Chuckles] "Let's go practice medicine..."

[Cuts to Medic putting on his gloves, coat, and Quick-Fix while Medic! plays]

[Cuts to a door bearing the red cross opening to reveal the Medic and his doves]

[Heavy runs past Medic with Sasha ready]

[Cuts to show a battlefield outside Medic's office with a RED Engineer and Sniper hiding behind cover, the injured Scout on the ground, and the wheelchair-bound RED Demoman wheeling frantically towards the Medic]

Demoman: "Medic!" [Demoman gets blown off his wheelchair by several rockets, landing face-first on the ground in front of Medic]

[Medic grimaces, then pushes his glasses up his nose and flips a switch on the Quick-Fix]

[Music intensifies as a healing beam is fired at the Demoman, healing him completely. Demoman nods toward the Medic, picks up his Stickybomb Launcher, and heads back towards the battlefield]

[Medic then fires the Quick-Fix at the RED Scout, fixing him up also, even restoring the Scout's missing tooth.]

[The Scout leaps to his feet]

Scout: "Yeah!" [The Scout grabs his Bat from out of the air as he gets up and runs off] "Woohoohoo!"

[Heavy hides behind a red truck as the Scout runs past]

[Scout runs up to a BLU Soldier and whacks him with his bat] Scout: "Oh yeah!"

[Cuts to show a massive horde of BLU Soldiers coming over the crest of the hill] Heavy: "Doctor!"

[Cuts to Heavy] Heavy: "Are you sure this will work?!"

[Music quells]

[Cuts to Medic] Medic: "Ha ha ha, I have no idea!"

[Medic flips a switch, and a panel lights up as a meter labeled "Voltmeter" reaches full. The words "ÜberCharge Ready" can be seen on the panel, and the music swells again. Medic's backpack starts humming with power]

[Medic fires the Quick-Fix at the Heavy, who pops out from his cover]

Heavy: "EYAAAAAAAAAH!" [Cuts to show Heavy's mega baboon heart beating rapidly, then cuts back to show Heavy glowing with ÜberCharge power] "HA HA!"

[Medic and the ÜberCharged Heavy advance under rocket fire, and Heavy starts laughing]

[RED Engineer, wielding the Frontier Justice, and RED Sniper, wielding the Sniper Rifle, watch bewildered as the Heavy glows with power and shrugs off volleys of rockets]

[Cuts back to the Heavy, still advancing] Heavy: "I am bulletproof!"

[Heavy keeps moving, mowing down BLU Soldier after BLU Soldier]

[Cuts to BLU Soldiers falling over dead in rapid succession]

[Medic and Heavy climb atop the pile of dead Soldiers and a flock of doves fly overhead as music crescendos]

[Ending title card appears and accompanying music plays]

[Cuts to waiting room. The camera passes over the rest of the RED team, who are doing things to pass the time. The Engineer is playing his guitar, Spy is looking at his ticket, Pyro is reading and flicking a lighter, Soldier is standing at attention, Demoman is drinking from his Bottle, and Sniper is sleeping]

Medic (off-screen): "That looks good. Very nice there. Yes!"