It’s got to be a lot easier for straight people because of the lack of social pressure. But there’s a stigma for gay people.

I’m gay and closeted but even if I wasn’t closeted to my family, I don’t think I would ever be confident enough to openly state my sexuality to people I don’t know. And even if I was, how am I even supposed to figure out who’s gay? Vibes? I can have my suspicions but I would never want to openly ask someone in case I’m wrong.

It’s unfair that love is so much harder for gay people because we can’t say who we are without judgement. You would have to really not care about what others think about you to even get close to dating, let alone flirting. I feel like I’m doomed to miss out on a core part of the human experience because of fear, and that sucks.

Does anyone have any good advice, or any other thoughts?

I understand what you mean, you can never be 100% sure of the sexual orientation of the other person and in the face of insecurity, remain in doubt.

But I think it works the same as it does for straight guys: you meet a person, and as you get to know each other, you gain confidence in each other. There will come a point where if that other person is open to having a relationship with you, you'll notice it. I think it's a matter of letting yourself go, although sometimes it's desperate.

I was thinking it might be possible to figure it out by talking about relationships in general, they might hint or mention something that indicate they’re gay too but if they’re hiding it, you’ll probably not know..
i guess maybe trying to find alternative ways to get to know people would be easier? As in try get friends on online forums that are open to lgbt people and go to events or places you know also are open. That way you’d know that people in general wouldn’t be opposed if you’d ask about it.

Idk if youre into it but three very specific areas i personally know are generally very open:
Anime cons/ anime geeks
Furry cons/ furries
Bdsm communities - especially gearheads and puppyplay are mostly gay guys that participate

Back in the olden days pre-internet, medium-sized and larger cities had at least one gay bar, or in smaller cities a bar that was at minimum "gay-friendly", meaning that it was not officially gay but it was where the local gays could hang out together without getting hassled if they could behave themselves and not be too obvious.

Usually in medium or larger sized cities there was also a "cruise spot" where gays could meet each other and hang out together, often a public park, although some of them could be kind of sketchy.

There was even a book published annually called the "Bob Damron Guide" that listed all the gay bars, venues, and cruise spots for any cities that had them, both in the US and internationally. The Damron Guide was invaluable for gay travelers, but due to the fleeting nature of most gay bars along with the lead times necessary for publication, it was always a year or more out of date for any given location.

The Damron Guide was also handy for closer to home because if there wasn't any place for gays to go in your town, you could find out where the closest place was, sometimes just in the next town over, and start planning a pilgrimage to there.

The Damron Guide is still around- Now it's online and requires a subscription to view search results, but that is an option.

Goldenshrike listed some good offline options for the modern era, though all are fairly niche in nature. It is important to remember that not all members of niche communities live within those niches 24/7/365, and that most members of those communities lead perfectly ordinary lives away from dedicated cons or events.

idk, im not sure if it matters if im bi or not, but i get what you mean. i just think it really matters what kind of people you hang around and where you live. if you have really hateful friends who would not be cool with that shit than i get it, but if you have really open minded and accepting friends and live in a nice liberal city than i could 100% see being open about that stuff and having the same kind of experience straight people do in regards to finding romantic partners and stuff.

as someone who is publicly open about their sexuality and gender i do understand what you mean by the stigma, but the place where i live is very open and acceptign and i have friends who are also gay or trans etc and they go through the same stuff. when you surround yourself with people liek that it becomes alot easier to be open about that sort of thing.

this isnt really advice persay, im just giving my perspective and experiences. obviously you cant just find brand new friends or immediately pack up and move to california tomorrow, but what i am sayign is that its possible to have an experience similar to straight in regards to dating, it just really depends on your environment

So Aeltrix, did any of this help or do you need more to go on?

Sonar, usually.

I think you mean gaydar, not sonar. ;)

if you move to certain cities you can increase the chances that any given person you meet will be something other than straight lol